Same-sex marriage

Many Christian faiths have altered their views on same-sex marriage over the last decade.  How does the Mormon church feel about the issue of same-sex marriage?

We are not anti-gay; we are pro-family.  The Church has a high standard on morality. We believe sexual relations should be reserved for a married man and woman. This may prove difficult for both people with same-sex and opposite-sex attractions. However, I believe that by obeying this law, we can gain greater peace and happiness. God knows what is best for us, and He gave us this law to bless us. Same-sex marriage distorts what marriage is all about. It is based on the lie that because you are attracted to the same sex, you need to be in a same-sex relationship in order to be "true to yourself". Many members of the Church can testify that this is not true. Some have found peace and joy in celibacy, and others have gone on to have faithful and fulfilling marriages.

The following is a statement written on June 29, 2015 by the Council of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve.  The statement is in response to the Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage in the United States.  

"Marriage between a man and a woman was instituted by God and is central to His plan for His children and for the well‐being of society ... Strong families, guided by a loving mother and father, serve as the fundamental institution for nurturing children, instilling faith, and transmitting to future generations the moral strengths and values that are important to civilization and vital to eternal salvation.  A family built on marriage of a man and a woman is the best setting for God’s plan of happiness to thrive. That is why communities and nations generally have encouraged and protected marriage between a man and a woman, and the family that results from their union, as privileged institutions. Sexual relations outside of such a marriage are contrary to the laws of God pertaining to morality. Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

I want to return to the story I shared in my last post about my friend, "Cathy."  After dating a very sweet girl for the past two years, Cathy was excited to announce her upcoming nuptials this past year.  The Supreme Court's recent ruling that struck down the ban of homosexual marriages in the United States was monumental to Cathy and her partner.  Although Cathy knows my viewpoint on same-sex marriage, she invited me to attend the wedding.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend the wedding due to the fact that I was moving across the country that week (which kept me just a little preoccupied!), but if I had been available, I would have attended the wedding and hugged her afterward.  I would have brought a gift for the happy couple and wished them well in their future.  I do not approve of their marriage, but I love them both and respect their decisions.  Would I allow my kids to play with their kids?  Absolutely.  To me, homosexuality is no different than any other sexual sin.  My kids also have friends who live with their mom and her boyfriend, which is contrary to God's commandment.  I don't think it's healthy to shield my kids from families that have different lifestyles than ours.  God has set the standard for sexual relations to be between a married man and woman because I believe He knows how we can attain the most happiness in this life and eternal joy in the life to come. 

How does my homosexual marriage affect your heterosexual marriage?

Elder Oaks gave this answer in an interview he conducted with a member of the public affairs committee of the LDS Church: "This is much bigger than just a question of whether or not society should be more tolerant of the homosexual lifestyle. Over past years we have seen unrelenting pressure from advocates of that lifestyle to accept as normal what is not normal, and to characterize those who disagree as narrow-minded, bigoted and unreasonable. Such advocates are quick to demand freedom of speech and thought for themselves, but equally quick to criticize those with a different view and, if possible, to silence them by applying labels like “homophobic.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints must take a stand on doctrine and principle. This is more than a social issue — ultimately it may be a test of our most basic religious freedoms to teach what we know our Father in Heaven wants us to teach."

I agree completely with Elder Oaks statement, as well as the statements I posted below.  The issue of same-sex marriage is not just a liberal issue, and it is not an issue I will conform to due to pressure from our society.  I believe same-sex marriage is detrimental to the formation of families.  It is biologically impossible for two people of the same gender to create a child, and I believe we have been commanded by God, ever since the time of Adam and Eve, to "multiply and replenish the Earth."  This is not possible for all couples - some who are heterosexual and definitely for all who are homosexual, but I believe the main purpose of marriage is to create a union where children can grow and develop with the guidance of both a father and a mother.  It's no secret that moms and dads are different in many ways, but they compliment each other, which is vitally important for the healthy development of children.

Jeffrey R. Holland wrote the following in article that was published in October 2007 Ensign magazine: "First, let’s be absolutely clear on what God wants for each of us. He wants us to have all of the blessings of eternal life. He wants us to become like Him. To help us do that, He has given us a plan. This plan is based on eternal truths and is not altered according to the social trends of the day.

At the heart of this plan is the begetting of children, one of the crucial reasons Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden (see 2 Nephi 2:19–25; Moses 5:10–12). They were commanded to “be fruitful, and multiply” (Moses 2:28), and they chose to keep that commandment. We are to follow them in marrying and providing physical bodies for Heavenly Father’s spirit children. Obviously, a same-gender relationship is inconsistent with this plan.  For various reasons, marriage and children are not immediately available to all. Perhaps no offer of marriage is forthcoming. Perhaps even after marriage there is an inability to have children. Or perhaps there is no present attraction to the opposite gender. Whatever the reason, God’s richest blessings will eventually be available to all of His children if they are clean and faithful."

Gordon B. Hinckley has said, “People inquire about our position on those who consider themselves so-called gays and lesbians. My response is that we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church. If they violate the law of chastity and the moral standards of the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are. We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families.”

 How can the Mormon church, which practiced polygamy for many years, possibly be opposed to non-traditional marriages?

Once again I will quote Elder Oaks, because I love the answer he gave to a similar question:  "I see irony in that if one views it without the belief that we affirm in divine revelation. The 19th century Mormons, including some of my ancestors, were not eager to practice plural marriage. They followed the example of Brigham Young, who expressed his profound negative feelings when he first had this principle revealed to him. The Mormons of the 19th century who practiced plural marriage, male and female, did so because they felt it was a duty put upon them by God.  When that duty was lifted, they were directed to conform to the law of the land, which forbade polygamy and which had been held constitutional. When they were told to refrain from plural marriage, there were probably some who were unhappy, but I think the majority were greatly relieved and glad to get back into the mainstream of western civilization, which had been marriage between a man and a woman. In short, if you start with the assumption of continuing revelation, on which this Church is founded, then you can understand that there is no irony in this. But if you don’t start with that assumption, you see a profound irony."

I have been asked this question by some friends who are not members of the LDS church, and it's been a difficult question to answer.  I don't claim to understand why polygamy was necessary for a short time in the Church's history, and it is not the only occurrence in the Church's history that I understand.  I've had times when I've questioned my faith.  I'm not ashamed of this fact because I would never want to belong to an organization where I was expected to blindly follow.  This is what I do know:  I know that Jesus Christ is at the head of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I know that Joseph Smith, a flawed man just like the rest of us, restored Christ's church to the Earth.  I know that the Book of Mormon and The Bible were written by past prophets and disciples of Christ, and that the writings were preserved by God.  I believe that Thomas S. Monson speaks with Christ and directs the LDS today.  I fail miserably at living all the doctrines of the gospel at all times, but I am grateful for the guidance of apostles and prophets that help me know God's desires for me.

I completely believe in the words of The Proclamation on the Family, and I find pure happiness in abiding by the teachings given in this inspired document.