Gender Roles

Do Mormons believe the "old fashioned" viewpoint that moms shouldn't work outside the home?

I'm a stay-at-home mom (which honestly feels more like a stay-in-the-car mom since I spend so much time driving my kids to and from their activities) and my husband works full-time for a marketing company.  A couple years ago, I returned to college in order to finish the Bachelor Degree I started working toward before starting my family.  After graduation, I look forward to having a career I enjoy.

Some of my Mormon Mommy friends have worked full-time their entire adult lives, while others haven't worked at all since giving birth to their first child.  Some have Bachelors Degrees, others have Masters Degrees, and some never attended college.  Some work because they believe it makes them a better mother; others wish they could be home with their kids, but funds require them to have a job.  Basically we are all a big melting pot of different lifestyles.

 The Family: A Proclamation to the World states: "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.  Extended families should lend support when needed."

Are Mormons sexist?

Some people wrongly assume that Mormon men are "in charge" of their families, while women are to be subservient and focus only on raising children.  This is not what Mormons believe!  If you look up the word "preside" in Webster's dictionary, the first definition you see is "to exercise guidance, direction or control."  With the word 'control' at the end of the definition, critics may squirm and think the church is sexist.  If you stop and read closely, however, you will see that the definition says OR control, not AND control.  But is there anything wrong with a father exercising 'guidance'?  Wouldn't all parents agree that fathers should give 'direction' to their children?  Presiding does NOT necessitate the exercise of absolute control, and actually I believe everyone would agree that fathers SHOULD exercise some control over their children so long as he does so in agreement with his wife.  The Latin root of the 'preside' carries another important definition: to guard.  Fathers are to guard their families from the evils of the world.

Let's take another look at the above quote from The Proclamation.  It's vitally important to consider this sentence: "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."  In my family of origin, both my Mother and Father worked full-time throughout my entire childhood.  My Father did the dishes every evening and spent Saturdays cleaning bathrooms, doing yard work and generally maintaining the home.  My Mom cooked most of our meals, did the grocery shopping, and took us to doctor appointments.  They were a great team!  With my own children, I take on more of the home care because my husband works long hours and travels often for work.  When he is home, he does dishes, scrubs bathrooms, spends quality time with the children, and drives them all over the valley to their various activities.  I think we make a great team as well!  Here's one way to view it:  in my parent's marriage, 2 + 3 = 5, and in my marriage 1 + 4 = 5.  In both situations, the answer is the same; we just split it up a little differently.

 Elder D. Todd Christofferson (one of the twelve apostles) has said:

"An area of concern comes from those who . . . want to erase all differences between the masculine and the feminine . . . In blurring feminine and masculine differences, we lose the distinct, complementary gifts of women and men that together produce a greater whole."

I know I am different from my husband.  I know my sons are different than my daughters.  In our competitive world, some have tried to compare the genders in many ways.  Why are we trying to compare the different ingredients that make a perfect combination?  Let's focus on our similarities instead of our differences and help each other in our responsibilities.