Divorce

 Can Mormons divorce?

Divorce is not a fun topic, but it is a topic that needs to be discussed.  I've spent much of the past year wondering if I would soon be divorced.  After MUCH prayer, contemplation and therapy, I made the choice to separate from my husband last summer.  That was without a doubt the most difficult decision I have ever made, but I knew what needed to happen in order for my family to have a chance at a secure future.  Although we are still working through the issues, my husband and I recently rededicated ourselves to this marriage.  Divorce would possibly solve some of our issues but it would also bring brand-new ones to the table, and if at all possible I would like to avoid those new problems.  On the day we were married, I vowed to love my husband despite the challenges ahead, and I will not break that promise I made with him and God.  If the time comes when my husband is not actively involved in recovering from some of his issues, I may have to choose a different route for my family, but I will never stop loving him and believing in the potential he has.

This short 3 minute video by Dallin H. Oaks highlights some of my tender feelings.  Sometimes divorce is the best answer, but too often couples are choosing to divorce because they don't feel compatible anymore or they can't possibly forgive their spouse for a grievance. 

THE FAMILY IS ORDAINED OF GOD.  MARRIAGE BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN IS ESSENTIAL TO HIS ETERNAL PLAN.  These two sentences from The Proclamation perfectly explain the position of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in matters of marriage.  

•  The family is not merely a convenient way to live and raise children.  It is ORDAINED OF GOD.  We lived in family units before coming to Earth and we can continue to live with our family for ETERNITY.
• Marriage should be between a man and woman.  This doesn't mean we are prejudice or hate gays; it means that we believe God wants families to be comprised of a husband and a wife.  Only a man and woman joined together have the procreative power to bring children into this world.    
• Marriage is not simply a piece of paper that entitles two people to government benefits.  Marriage is ESSENTIAL to God's plan.  It is necessary and should be guarded and nourished.

Dallin H. Oaks stated, "The concept that society has a strong interest in preserving marriages for the common good as well as the good of the couple and their children has been replaced for many by the idea that marriage is only a private relationship between consenting adults, terminable at the will of either."  The backbone of a strong society is the strength of the individual families! 

The fact that divorce rates in America have declined over the past decade has caused some people to deny the negative affect that divorces are having on future generations.  Unfortunately, divorce rates are declining slowly because marriages are drastically declining.  Couples are choosing to cohabit instead of making a public lifetime commitment.  One of the reasons for this occurrence is the current generation of parents who endured their own parent's divorce.

Mormons are not immune to troubled marriages.  Like other religious couples as well as non-religious couples, Mormons have their own struggles and sometimes divorce is eminent.  However, this chart shows the dedication that many Mormons feel toward their marriage covenant.  Put simply, we believe in families. 

I read this quote in the latest edition of The Ensign, a magazine distributed by the LDS church every month: “The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. … [Imagine that] the Savior is positioned at the apex of [a] triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily ‘come unto Christ’ and strive to be ‘perfected in Him’ (Moroni 10:32).”  (Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)

If you would like to read some specific examples of Mormon couples who have worked through their issues in order to avoid divorce, I recommend this article:
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1996/10/mending-our-marriage?lang=eng

I will end with this statement from Gordon B. Hinckley, who served as a President of the LDS church before his death in 2008:

"There may be now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. I am not one to say that it is never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us, which seems to be growing everywhere, is not of God, but rather is the work of the adversary of righteousness and peace and truth.  You need not be his victims."